Then, reality set in.
I started looking through her color-coordinated list tonight. Number one on the list was an American Girl doll. Not any American Girl doll, mind you, but a “My American Girl.” That means the doll is supposed to look like the little girl. Easy enough, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Why in the world would American Girl have a doll with blond short curly hair and a doll with blond straight long hair but no doll with long blond curly hair? There’s a red head with long curly hair. Apparently, red heads have longer hair than blonds. Who knew? Seriously. Who thought this up. “Hey! I know! Let’s create dolls to look just like little girls everywhere. We’ll make little black ones and little white ones and little freckled ones and little tan ones. Oh, but no need to make one with long curly blond hair. No girls like that would want a doll!” I’m pretty sure this is a conspiracy against me.
Then, the mother in me got smart. So I thought. I decided I would just buy the My American Girl doll with long straight blond hair, and I would buy the special American Girl curlers to go with it. Then, I would curl the doll’s hair before Christmas, and all would be right with the world. Right? Sure. If I want to take out a loan, or sell my first born child. (The Goose would probably be okay with that.) Did you know that doll curlers cost $50? I’m not kidding. That’s more than I’ve paid for a perm before! I’m going to the dollar store and getting foam curlers. The doll is going to have to learn to live life on a budget, along with the rest of us. If she’s going to live in my house, she’ll have to deal. As Mr. Everything says, we live by the coupons around here.
The Goose marked the other items she REAAAAALLLLLY wants on her list. (Notice her dramatic emphasis on really. I mean REAAAAALLLLLY.) What else did I find there? Hmmm….let’s see. She wants the American Girl crutches and cast. Price? $30, and they are back-ordered until March. I’m really not kidding. (Does this look like the face of someone who thinks this is funny?) There are enough insane parents in the world willing to spend $30 for doll crutches that they are sold out. I’m thinking a toilet paper roll and some sticks are going to have to do the trick.
Since when do we pay more for a doll cast and crutches than we would pay for a deductible for a real cast? The doll needs to check into Obamacare, because I ain’t payin’ for her injury. That’s where I draw the line.
The other items on the Goose’s list:
A flute set for $30. We only spent $75 on the Goose’s real flute, and she can use it to torture her brother with noise for hours. The AG version doesn’t even make noise.
A soccer outfit for $34. That’s more than we paid for either child’s uniform for softball and baseball.
Pretty party outfit for $28. Do you know the last time I spent $28 on a dress for myself? Me neither.
A dreamy daybed for $95. Really?
Bedding to go with the daybed for $34. Doll-baby needs to meet Goodwill. Just sayin’.
A healthy smile set for $14. I might want to get that one. Can you imagine how much the filling for the doll’s cavity would cost?
The Goose may end up with a naked doll with short, black hair this year. So much for easy. -Al