This is how I spent a good portion of my day.  Moving Mr. Everything's computers.  Again.  This was the fourth, no fifth, time we have moved this blessed collection of machines.  I hereby decree that it was my last time!

Why do we have all these computers?  Well, I'll tell you.  He's holding onto them, just in case.  Mr. E has saved every computer that anyone has ever offered him since the beginning of time.  Okay, maybe not every computer, but it felt like it today when I was moving them.  Actually, I'm pretty sure he has weeded out a good many of them, but still, it was too many to move.

Do they work?  No.  Why do you ask?  You would assume that if they were valuable enough to move five times, they would at least work.  You would be wrong.

What is the purpose?  Mr. E has saved the computers so he would have parts when he needed them.  This sounds good in theory.  In reality, I do not recall a single time that he ever used a part of one of these computers.  He might have.  I usually tune him out when he talks to me about computers.  For all I know, he could have used a part a week from this stack.  I wouldn't know.  I tell him not to speak his floppy talk to me, but he insists on telling me about gigabytes and trigibytes and ninobytes.  (Okay.  I made those last two up, but it sounded good, right?)  I usually just visualize a cup of coffee or boba tea while he talks.  Coffee and boba tea equal happiness.  Computers do not.

If you are reading this (as I hope my husband will) and you just happen have a collection of dead computers, here are a few signs that it is time to get rid of them:
-If the computer has a floppy disk sticking out of it, it might be time for it to go.
-If your children look at it and laugh, it might be time for it to go.
-If the CPU weighs more than your two children's birth weights combined, it might be time for it to go.  (A few observations here...First, I can't believe I know what a CPU is. I must have accidentally listened to some of the floppy talk.  Second, I wonder if computers are like pillows and mattresses.  Did you know they get heavier over time from the dead skin cells and dust mites inside?  I wonder if that happens with computers.  That's just gross, and it's another reason they need to go.)
-If the computer does not even have a power cord with it, it might be time for it to go.
-If the computer looks like the one in a Star Trek episode, it might be time for it to go.

If your computers have any of these symptoms, please consider seeking help.  There are counselors standing by to help you with your technological needs.  And to my dear husband, Mr Everyting: No, I do not want to discuss my collection of rubber stamps.              




01/01/2013 11:38am

I am sure we can get you a few more for his collection LOL

01/03/2013 9:03pm

lol I am wondering at this point if Mike is any relation to my husband Jerry. We have old computers that he will not get rid of because he might need a part from one,is going to take the good parts out of each and make one good one,he needs to take the chips out of them because they may hold good pictures or valuable info. Whatever his excuse they are still around collecting dust and causing me to stub my toes :/

03/02/2017 1:05pm

Oh yes I too believe that it is good to hold on to them, just in case something comes up later! I have found your work very relatable and I think this is the case with most of us! You have done a good job with it, I think more people will get aware of what they do unconsciously in matters like these!

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