We have seen much beauty today and have enjoyed every minute of it. I realized, though, that I’ve also seen some sights that I never asked for. And because I know how my brain works, these are the images that will forever be in my memory.
These are the top things I wish I had not seen today in Jamaica:
I was quite unnerved by the sight of my eleven year old as she bellied up to the bar. That’s something I never expected to see. You see, here they have a swim up bar, in the pool. (Duh. I guess “in the pool” would be the “swim up” part of that last sentence.) Guests can sit on stools in the water at the bar and enjoy a drink. The bar is open to adults and kids alike, and thank goodness, they do offer non-alcoholic drinks. The Goose is taking the whole “all-inclusive” thing literally, and she has made it her mission to enjoy as many “free” drinks as possible. I don’t even want to know how many fruit punch mixed with pineapple juice concoctions she has had today. I’m pretty sure she’s had enough calories and carbs to carry her into sometime next year. All I know is, every time I looked across the pool, I would find my daughter there at the bar, talking to the bartender. They were on a first name basis by noon. She seems to have a little drinking problem, and we may have to have an intervention soon.
Another site I really did not need to see was the 80 year old woman in a bikini and with her hair fully braided. She rattled when she walked by, and I was hoping it was the beads in her hair hitting each other and not her hip replacement going bad. She looked like she was one day in the sun short of a leather jacket, but she was happy. That might have been from the “free” drinks at the swim up bar.
The next one does not really qualify for my list since it was a sound and not a sight. However, I think it’s worth a shout out. Something I did not need to hear was one staff member singing in the talent show. Now, let me start by saying that many of the staff members who performed were very talented. They had beautiful voices. Some could dance, and some could act. It was great. However, this poor girl really needed a girlfriend to have a talk with her. Her voice was like the sound I would imagine a water buffalo makes as it is giving birth….to twins. It was bad. I looked around at the audience, and mothers were trying to maintain an encouraging look on their faces. The fathers had resorted to looking into their “free” alcoholic beverage glasses longingly as if they would find solace there. The children were either laughing or holding their ears. The Goose began to snicker, and I reminded her that I was pretty sure that would be how I sounded if I stood up there to sing. I also made her promise she would tell me if I ever tried to sing and sounded like that. She gave me a look as if to say it had already happened. That could be why I wasn’t asked to sing at the church holiday party this year.
Another disturbing sight I witnessed today was my rear-view as I walked on the treadmill. Now, one mirror in front of me is bad enough. I don’t want to watch my face become increasingly red and sweaty as I work out. However, a mirror behind me is just plain cruel. I could see my butt and legs in the mirror behind me by looking in the mirror in front of me. Thus, it created that never-ending image where I could see my front looking at my back looking at my front looking at my back in the mirror. Why, oh why??? I shiver at the mental image. Be glad you weren’t there.
My final observation today was one that will forever be seared into my mind. Unfortunately, my children witnessed it to. Couple this one with the old woman taking her shirt off that we saw yesterday, and you’ve got yourself in counseling for a two years and three months. We saw a family changing clothes at the water park. I’m not kidding, and I’m not talking about just the kids. First, the five year old girl stripped naked and walked around. My kids found that funny, but they weren’t traumatized. She was a little old to be doing that, but it wasn’t out of the question. Next, however, came the 12 year old boy. I kid you not. This kid held up a towel and took off his Speedo. His father kept trying to take the towel from him as the kid was frantically trying to change. The dad was totally oblivious to the fact that the boy was not handing him the towel but was trying to make a curtain for himself. Meanwhile, my kids were howling with laughter, and Mr. Everything was not helping the situation. The mother of the family then changed her shirt. Thank goodness, she was wearing a bra or a bikini top underneath, so it wasn’t too bad. The father didn’t change, but he was only wearing a Speedo to begin with. It was like an hour of changing for him, as every time he moved, we saw more than we paid for. My kids are certainly not the most tactful people. I’m going to blame that on their father. They did not care that the Al Fresco family knew they were laughing at them. I guess that serves the family right for putting on their own version of a talent show right there in the water park.
So, all in all, it has been an eventful day. I’m ready for bed now, but I’m afraid to close my eyes. I think I know what images I will see when I do, and I think I’m in for a rough night. -Al