Many people send out Christmas newsletters every year.  I’ve never been that put-together, and I never really had that much to say.  I’ve never felt like my life was great enough to write a whole newsletter about.  However, I decided this year to get in the spirit of things.  Since other people always seem to paint the happiest picture of their lives, I thought I would too. I give you….The Not-Your-Average-Family Newsletter!  Of course, I’ll only print the part in red so everyone can be envious of my wonderful life...

To All Our Cherished Friends and Family (and acquaintances that we avoid talking to but send a Christmas card to each year),

As I write this, I am looking over our past year with joy and delight (and drooping eyes because I’m exhausted) at all the wonderful accomplishments we’ve achieved (survived).

Our home (single wide trailer) is coming along nicely (hasn’t been worked on or even cleaned in months).  Mr. Everything has worked so hard making repairs and improvements (in other people’s homes) this year.  He is so talented and able (that I never get his services because he is always working for someone else).

In January, our business had many pottery classes going (half the number of last year).  Our employees have been a blessing in our lives, and we couldn’t do it without them (that much is true).

In February, Mr. Everything and I celebrated a wonderful Valentine’s Day by going out for a nice dinner (that was paid for through a mystery shop.  We didn’t even buy cards for each other.)  He is so romantic (in his own mind).

March was a quiet month.  The children worked on their school work (with great wailing and gnashing of teeth).  They have come so far this year (and are still a year and a half behind).

April was eventful (disastrous) for us.  At the beginning of the month, Mr. Everything went away for a health retreat (hospital visit) to improve himself (bring his blood pressure down from 190/130).  Then, we made the decision to close our pottery business (as we watched it burn down).  We finished up the month by loaning a large sum of money to a family in need (having our tax return stolen by some jerk).  It was a glorious month!  The Goose had a fun birthday party (that was interrupted by the business fire) to celebrate her 11th birthday.  The Beetle turned 15 and got his learner’s permit.  He is doing a great job of learning to drive (although we have to practically force him because he hates it so much).

May went by so quickly that we were surprised (we were in a black hole of depression and can’t remember what happened).

In June, we went away for the whole month on a luxurious vacation (2 weeks in a buggy cabin in the woods, a few days in hotels that we mystery shopped and a week at a family member’s house).  Our children were so lively (beating the crap out of each other in the back seat) as we saw so many sights (and drove forever).  They enjoyed (complained about) our time together as a family.  We drove silently (not speaking to each other) home as we enjoyed the scenery (nude-bar billboards on I-75).

July and August were great this year!  We had the chance to go to a water park with our friends weekly (since we didn’t have a pottery business to run).  We enjoyed our time of hanging out with other homeschool families and floating down the lazy river together (how could I possibly complain about that?).

In September, I was offered the chance to work temporarily for a second mystery shopping company.  They offered me 25 hours a week (and I ran myself ragged and into a frenzy).  I was so sad (thrilled) for that to come to an end on December 7 (not soon enough).

In October, we celebrated a wonderful Halloween.  The Beetle was Lou Brock (until he realized he was an old black guy) for one party and changed to Tom Cruise (whatever he could pull out of the closet) for Halloween night.  The Goose was a Leprechaun and looked so authentic (funny) with her beard (cotton balls painted red and stuck on her face with a glue stick).

In November, we had a quiet Thanksgiving with my parents (sinced my sister ditched us for her in-laws).  The food was delicious (average) and we enjoyed being together as a family (sort of).

This month, we are taking another luxurious vacation (mystery shop) to Jamaica.  The Beetle was going to SCUBA dive there but decided his time would be better spent on the beach (since he was coughing so hard from the bronchitis).  The Goose is looking forward to (dreading) her first airplane flight.  She is such a good (horrible) traveler that I can’t wait to be on the plane with her (I'd rather stick needles in my eyes)!  We’ll get a break (3 hour layover) in Miami to rest between flights.  We can’t wait to spend time together as a family (We’re hoping to leave the kids in the game room).

We hope your year has been as perfect and wonderful as ours.  We know that our year has been full of many blessings, and we look forward to a new year with new opportunities.  We wish you a very Merry Christmas and an even better 2013!  Love, The Not-Your-Average-Family    -Al



02/28/2017 6:41am

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