Every time we move, the snake bit (pardon the pun) starts all over again. That’s because, after we move and I have to deal with the rubber snake, I end up hiding it somewhere. Then, when we move, they find the hiding spot. I can’t bare to get rid of it because I still picture my little Beetle with his white cotton candy hair standing, peeking around a corner, waiting for me to scream. Snakey is part of the family.
This time around, the first place I found the snake was in my pillow case. It didn’t scare me, because it just felt like something hard and cold. By the time I took it out, I knew it wasn’t anything that was alive. Next, the snake was in my shoe. (“There’s a snake in my boot!” Sorry. Couldn’t resist.) Then, the snake was curled up on the front porch steps near my swing. I have to admit; that one scared me a little. I’m freaked out about the idea of rattlesnakes up in these here woods, ya know?
The kids finally gave up on tricking me and started trying to scare each other. The snake has been back and forth between their rooms all week. Last night, the Beetle put it over the Goose’s door so that, when she opened the door, the snake fell on her. It was a good idea, but it didn’t work.
One of the latest tricks is to run into the room and scream while throwing Snakey at the other person. That worked the first time. Now, they just look at each other. The other day, the Goose told the Beetle that she knew it wasn’t real because he was too much of a chicken to hold a real snake. “Hello, pot, allow me to introduce you to the kettle.”
The irony of this whole thing is that my kids are the second and third biggest chickens in the world. (The apples didn’t fall far from this tree…Call me El Pollo Numero Uno.) They can’t scare me or each other by holding the snake, because all know that none of us would ever hold a snake. Even Mr. E is afraid of snakes, so he can’t scare us either.
We have a rubber mouse somewhere, and that thing looks real. I’m tempted to find it and scare the pants off of both of them. That really would be funny, except for the fact that they would start using it against me. They know about the mouse, but it has been in hiding for a while. I may just have to find it.
We also have a huge, realistic rubber cockroach that dates way back to pre-children. The kids don’t even know about it. It might be time for him to make an appearance.
Mr. Everything wants to go get a very real looking snake and use it against them. I would, but I know I would regret it.
My fear is that one of these days, there will be a real snake in the house, and I will react in the usual way:
1. Roll eyes.
2. Pick up snake.
3. Throw it at the person standing closest to me.
The outcome would not be good if the snake ended up not being our beloved Snakey.
We leave for Antigua Monday. Perhaps, I’ll tell them about how I was reading about a scary species of snakes that live on the island. Then, I’ll pack a new, improved Snakey and cure them of this whole snake hiding thing. Too cruel? Hmmm. I’ll have to think about that one…. -Al