So I have a confession to make.  Yesterday was my birthday.  No, that wasn’t my confession.  That was the introduction to the confession.  Pay attention.  Anywho… Back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…

Yesterday was my birthday, and I threw myself a party.  It was no regular party.  No sir.  It was a good ole’ fashioned pity party.  I don’t really know why, but I felt sorry for myself.

Okay.  That was a lie.  I do know why.  I know exactly why.  However, if I tell you why, then I’ll have to start over with the pity party, and it’s not nearly as much fun as it sounds.  So, let’s just leave it, “I really don’t know why.”

So, since my memory fails me as to why I threw a pity party, I think I’ll do the reverse.

In honor of my 41st birthday (though it is a day late, in true Not Your Average Al fashion), here is my list of 41 things I’m thankful for (AKA Reasons Not to Attend My Pity Party):

These are in no particular order, and some may not even make sense to you.  Forgive me.  I’m 41.

1. Someone invented toilet paper.  (I'll bet his wife was not thrilled to be known as Mrs. TP, but I think he was a genius!  Actually, come to think of it, it was probably a mom who invented toilet paper.)

2. Someone invented deodorant.  (Now if someone would only introduce it to half the people I’ll be mingling with when I go to EPCOT later this week.)

3. Not all bras are underwire.  (It was a man who invented underwire bras, I can assure you.)

4. Not all shoes are high heels. (Probably the same man.)

5. CVS has Hershey’s kisses on sale this week. (Combine that with a manufacturer’s coupon, and you’ve got yourself one happy birthday girl!)

6. My parents got me a birthday cake.  (It was not just ANY birthday cake.  It was a Publix birthday cake, and I get the leftovers – unless my rotten kids get to them first.)

7. Squirrels aren’t carnivores.  (You’ve never thought of that, have you, but imagine the world if they were…)

8. God made turtles.  (Sorry.  Turtles just make me happy.)

9. Sheets are washable.  (There is nothing better than clean sheets on a bed.  Too bad mine aren’t clean tonight.  I should have done laundry today.)

10. Coffee (No explanation needed.)

11. Mr. Everything isn’t a hunter.

12. Mr. Everything is incapable of growing a Duck Dynasty beard. (Or any beard for that matter.)

13. Someone smart created air conditioning. (Pretty sure it was a woman.  Although, it might have been a man – that’s why they break so often.)

14. The Goose was sick this past week, and I could take her to the doctor. (Yay for insurance!)

15. God gives us humans in baby form.  (Can you imagine if we got them first as teenagers?)

16. Babies have feet.  (I do love little baby feet.)

17. God made us with only 2 feet and not 3.  (Can you imagine having to keep up with 3 matching shoes?  Finding a match of 2 in our house is difficult enough!)

18. Publix has a bakery.  (I love baked goods way too much.)

19. Brandon has a Publix. (Speaking as someone who just lived 45 minutes away from the nearest Publix for 7 months, this is a really, really good thing.)

20. I live in Brandon. (Oh, how I missed her – Come to think of it, why do they refer to cities as her?)

21. The Goose has started making Pepe Chihuahua sleep with her.  (For the first time in years, I’m sleeping through the night!  I’m pretty sure, though, Pepe is not as thankful for this.)

22. Christmas is only once a year.  (I’m really bad at wrapping gifts.)

23. Christmas is only once a year. (I’m really bad at buying gifts.)

24. Wal-mart is open 24 hours a day. (Come to think of it, I really need to go shopping.)

25. I’m left-handed.  Otherwise, it just wouldn’t seem right.  (See what I did there? Eh? Eh?)

26. Actually, I’m ambidextrous. (Which lets me tell people that I’m amphibious.  I love that joke.)

27. Suitcases have wheels. (I have no idea why that just popped in my head, but it’s definitely something to be thankful for.)

28. Someone invented ice cream. (Wow.  I’m on a dessert kick, aren’t I?  I wonder why I can’t lose weight…)

29. Not all socks are angry socks. (Yes, I have socks that make me angry.  If you understand that, you very well may have sensory issues.)

30. I have a job that I love. (And I should be doing right now instead of writing this list.)

31. I’m close to the end of this list. (What was I thinking committing to 41 things??  Man, that’s a lot.  Man, I’m old.)

32. I have great friends. (And some of you even know how to spell my name correctly.)

33. My husband is a patient man. (Believe me.  He needed patience last night, since he was a guest at my pity party.)

34. My kids have my sick sense of humor. (It makes life much more fun when they actually understand what I’m joking about.)

35. I have leftover Capital Grille steak in the refrigerator. (It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you eat good steak.)

36. The steak is actually Mr. E’s, but he’ll share with me. (Refer back to #33.)

37. Someone invented light bulbs. (I can’t use a cigarette lighter, so I’d be in a world of trouble.)

38. Someone invented sliced bread. (What’s better than that?)

39. I got a utility tote from Thirty One Bags.  (I resisted this company for so long because I thought they were “just” bags.  I was oh, so wrong, and I love my new bag!)

40. The bags under my eyes from crying yesterday are almost gone. (Speaking of bags.)

41. We only have one birthday a year. (I couldn’t handle more excitement than that.)

Thank you for enduring my random list.  If you find yourself in the midst of a pity party on your birthday, feel free to borrow my reasons not to be there, or create your own!  -Al



Peggy Hamm
12/24/2013 9:56am

Sorry guess I contributed to that party! But it will get better I promise.

12/24/2013 11:36am

No you didn't!

08/15/2016 10:16am

The reason that you shared here with us that creating the hurdle in your way of party attending this is admirable. Hope you will never getting these kinds of the situations especially in these kinds of the situations.


Leave a Reply