For several years, I resolved not to resolve. That way, I was sure to keep my resolution. Then, there were the “weight loss” years, the “exercise” years, the “read my Bible every day” years and the “be a better all-around person” years. (The “all-around” part is easier when it’s not a “weight loss” year. Oh way, that should be just “round,” not “all-round.”)
Anywho, this year, I just ain’t doin’ it. I’ve decided I’ve experienced enough change in the last five years than any one person deserves in a lifetime. Therefore, I don’t have to change anything. (Sounds reasonable, huh?)
However, I know people will ask what my resolutions are for the new year. Not waiting to disappoint anyone, I’ve made a list. Here is my list of resolutions for 2014. These, I am sure to keep.
- I resolve not to eat tomatoes.
- I resolve not to pass up a chance to eat chocolate. (I have to have my priorities, you know.)
- I resolve not to pet snakes. In fact, I am so committed to this resolution that I won’t even look at snakes. (Now, that’s willpower.)
- I resolve not to say, “Good eye,” when watching my daughter play softball.
- I resolve not to wear camouflage.
- I resolve not to grow a beard. (Although, sometimes I think I’m working on it. Where did those stray hairs on my chin and neck come from????)
- I resolve not to wear 4” heels.
- I resolve not to get any new pets. (Sorry, kids. We can’t get one. I resolved.)
- I resolve not to wear a pink spandex. (You’re welcome.)
- I resolve not to go to the mall any more than I have to.
- I resolve not to eat liver. (Oh man, I wanted a bloody tasting piece of meat, too. The sacrifices I must make for the new year…)
- I resolve not to take myself too seriously.
- I resolve not to watch Jurassic Park. (I haven’t watched it yet, so why start now?) While I'm at it, I'll resolve not to watch the Star Wars Trilogy or those other weird Star Wars movies they made either.
- I resolve not to perm my hair.
- I resolve not to wear leather pants. (Again, you’re welcome.)
- I resolve not to play X-Box.
- I resolve not to pay full price for anything.
- I resolve not to repeat myself.
- I resolve not to say everything I am thinking. (And if you think I do, you are oh, so wrong.)
- I resolve not to let other people decide who I am. (Now, that’s just teetering on a serious resolution, isn’t it?)
- I resolve not to cheer for the Gators. (Oh, don't get all upset. I resolve not to cheer for any other team either. Unless my child is on the team. Then, I will cheer. But I will not say, "Good eye.")
- I resolve not to repeat myself. (Oh shoot! I’ve already broken one.)
- I resolve not to wear angry socks. (I’m going to have to buy new socks or do laundry pretty quickly.)