Mr. Everything says his dreams are normal. Of course they are. He says people look like who they are, and things happen logically in his dream world. Of course they do. He’s nothing if not logical. In his dreams, apparently, there are car chases and fights and other scenes that could be right out of a movie. In my dreams, no one looks like they do in real life, and weird things happen.
Once, right after we were married, Mr. E punched me in his sleep. He said he was dreaming about a fight. Uh-huh. As you can imagine, I certainly have not held the fact that he punched me over his head when I needed guilt material. Oh, no. Not me.
Of course, I can beat that. The week after we got home from our honeymoon, I wet the bed. I woke up, horrified, and went to get a towel. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice. He woke up and said, “Please tell me you did not just do what I think you did.” He stayed with me anyway. Now, that’s love.
When I was a little girl, I had the most vivid dream that I still remember to this day. I dreamt my mother, my sister and I were driving in a car. I was in the backseat, and my mother and sister were in the front. Suddenly, there was a choir of angels in the sky. I can’t remember what they were singing, but it was, well, angelic. My mother passed out. I told my sister she would have to drive. Then, she passed out, too. I had to lean from the backseat to the front so I could steer. Then, I remembered I was six and I couldn’t drive, so I woke up. I have pondered many times what that dream could possibly have meant. I still don’t know. It’s either a really good sign or a really bad sign when angels sing to you in your sleep.
When I was a teenager, I had another dream that has stuck with me all these years. (According to my kids, that’s like 100 years ago…) My mother and I decided to rob a bank. We didn’t make any plans. We just went for it. As we were climbing the wall using one of those rope thingies you throw over a wall to climb up, the sirens started going off. (You can tell I’m a real criminal…I don’t even know what those rope thingies are called.) My mother said it would be fine. She said to keep climbing. I, being the ever-obedient child, did what she said. Then we went to jail. Honestly. There was no arrest. We just popped into jail. Then, I realized I was only 15 and they wouldn’t put me in a cell with my mother, and I woke up. The next day, when my mother asked if I want to go to the store and the bank with her, I graciously declined.
I’ve had the horrible dreams where I’ve woken up crying. I hate those. Usually, they involve my kids. They are too bad to even discuss the details of. Let me just say that if any of those things actually happened to my kids, I wouldn’t cry. I would do permanent, excruciatingly painful damage to the person who hurt one of my bear cubs. Then I would cry.
I had a dream once that I had a pet baby giraffe. It was so little and cute, and I kept in my bathtub. The problem was, I couldn’t find anything to feed it. I kept asking around to see if anyone could help me feed my baby giraffe. No one would help. No one had any answers. No one would feed the giraffe. Then, I remembered my ceiling wasn’t tall enough for a giraffe, and I woke up.
When my mother and I discussed that dream, she said she was pretty sure the baby giraffe was our pottery business. It was starving to death, and no one would feed it. She said, “Oh! I’m sorry! I’ll feed your giraffe!” Thanks for trying, Mama. And just so y’all know, the giraffe died. Then it burned. Good times.
Of course, there's the recurring dream that my best friend, Willow, convinces me to go to school naked. She insists that it's Naked Day and everyone will be naked. I take her word for it and show up in my birthday suit. I quickly find out I'm the only one celebrating the day. Even Willow has on clothes, but no one seems to notice the fact that I'm naked. I'm not sure what that says about my physique. I usually look around the school hallway, realize there's no way I would be naked and wake up.
It's pretty obvious that these dreams mean I have feelings of betrayal. I'm not sure what Willow did to me (or if it's really even her). I can't recall being betrayed! She and I have laughed about this dream, though, because there is no way either of us would have ever considered going to school naked. We barely even wore shorts above our knees!
I have one dream over and over again, and it really freaks me out. Throughout my adult years, I can’t count the number of times I have dreamt that a big freaky spider, or sometimes lots of little spiders, were falling on me in my bed. On a regular basis, I jump out of bed, fling the covers back and flip on the lights. Mr. E has gotten used to it. He doesn’t even stir anymore when it happens.
The funny thing is, I’m really not afraid of spiders. I mean, I don’t want to love one and take care of one and name it George or anything, but I’m not scared of them. As long as my shoe is bigger than the spider, I’m good. So, the fact that I am so terrorized by these big spiders in my sleep is very strange.
The other day, I decided to Google the meaning of that dream. It turns out, many people believe having that dream is a sign of being overwhelmed or stressed out. Ya think?
So, while some people wish for their dreams to come true, in my case, I can honestly say I’m glad mine haven’t. If they did, I would be a naked bank robber, covered in spiders, leading a skinny giraffe around while a band of angels sang to me. No thanks. I think my life is interesting enough without all that excitement. -Al